


A Series Of Interviews

by Tbikape



Category: No Straight Roads (Video Game)
Genre: All of the minor characters are presumably dead, Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Headcanon, Survivor Guilt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, ask to tag, get ready for, heavy death themes, unreality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27645149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tbikape/pseuds/Tbikape
Summary: A serious take on if the main characters of No Straight Roads got put into our world. Everyone is struggling to cope with the realizations that come from this. All of them deal with this slightly differently.
Relationships: Mayday/Zuke (No Straight Roads), More to be added as they become relevant - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Vs Bunk Bed Junction

_The room is small, white-walled, and sparsely decorated. A microphone sits on a table next to a creeper mug. On the wall there is a large sign with a logo reading ACN in neon. There is a small sign reading "ON AIR" that is lit up below.There is a small couch with a green man sitting on it. The man fidgets with some drumsticks labeled NSR. His expression is unreadable._

**Z:** Is- is it on?

 **I:** Yes.

_The man straightens quickly with an awkward smile. Footsteps are heard approaching quickly._

**M:** Buuuuunk Bed JuctioAAHG!

_An orange woman jumps into frame just short of the couch. She twirls mid-air and sails over the couch. There is a loud thump._

**I:** Welcome, this is Action Cool News, my name is Diana Lemont and this is:

_The woman pops into frame from behind the couch._

**M:** Mayday! And I play the guitar! This is:

 **Z:** Zuke, I play the drums. Its lovely to be here today with the first official interview since we were found out. Together we're Bunk Bed Junction.

 **M:** (Nailed it!)

_The two fist bump._

**M:** Thank you for having us today!

 **I:** You're welcome. And thank you for choosing ACN! Welcome to the real-

 **M:** Ap ap ap! NO. Don't. I was hoping we could get through at least the first few questions without someone saying something about that. Listen, I spent twenty three years in that world so DON'T call this one "The Real World". I talked to countless people, held things YOU could only see through a screen, and have spent my entire life around there. Vinyl City's just as real as this studio and you Don't Get To Tell Me Otherwise.

 **Z:** Yeah.... I mean you guys play us, but we're here, right? And I'm fairly sure I'm not hollow like the model... I mean lungs nonwithstanding..

 **I:** Sorry. I did not mean to offend you.

 **Z:** At least we got it out of the way.

 **I:** Welcome to the studio then. I must say, your appearance has caused a bit of a stir.

 **M:** Yeah. We do that.

 **I:** Do you remember how you got here?

 **M:** Uhhh.... Not really? Oh! Unless you mean to the studio? That was through a computer monitor. Team Sayu agreed to help with transportation and stuff like that.

_Diana laughs warmly from off screen._

**I:** I mean to this world?

 **Z:** Well we kind of "woke up" in an alleyway. All of us.

 **I:** What did all of you do next?

 **M:** Tackle Kliff.

 **I:** I-

 **M:** I thought someone just teleported us. Its not unheard of for that to happen, yaknow. I heard Tataina shout "Kliff!"and lo, and behold he's right there! Almost everyone dog piles the little jerk-sundae and its not until Eve asks Tatiana if this is her old coat that she burned that we realize somethings wrong. We're all wearing the same shiiiiirt. Same shirts and stuff that we wore during the Night of B2J! And Zuke and I haven't really worn the same exact outfit since then. (Maybe it was superstition or something?) We get off of Kliff and he starts scolding us on how dangerous teleporting someone is but Tatiana starts to say pretty much the same thing. Eventually we manage to stop them long enough for Kliff to look up where we are and his face just.... drops. He tells her to look at this so Neon allows him to get close enough to show her and..... she just starts sputtering out stuff like "This is not true." and "This can't be." She curls up in a ball so Neon J orders 1010 to point their finger guns at him. She just waves him off. Tells him to find an abandoned place nearby. Sneaking goes well even when Yinu's mom starts to grow a little from stress. Eventually we're all crammed in a building taking turns looking at the Wiki. Zuke gets it last right after me. I'm in a downward spiral from everyone I know being possibly not real and being part of a GAME when Zuke turns to his brother and you know what he says?

 **I:** What?

 **Z:** You look like Shrek.

 **I:** Really?!

 _Diana is laughing_.

 **M:** And it was the right thing to do, too! He just gathers everyone and we sit on chairs pulled out of Neon J's head to watch a movie! Everyone forgets about the big ol' apocalypse for a second!

 **Z:** I see everyone just... Looking terrible and I've been searching up "Green People" for half an hour. We needed something. I say that to West then I decide screw it and I'm up yelling. "Get up! We're watching a movie!" I don't know why I wanted to see that movie so bad. Maybe I just wanted to do something together. But Everyone actually enjoys themselves for a bit. Tatiana snorts occasionally, Yinu has stopped bawling and is just sniffling, DJ Subatomic Supernova speaks for the first time since the news (he complains), Eves laughing at the arrow scene so hard she wheezes, Neon J stops shaking, tenten is making bets on how the movie ends, Yinu's mom is starting to respond to people besides Yinu again, R.. Team Sayu has mixed reactions, Kliff is shocked at how vulgar it is for a kids movie, West just has no words. I have roasted him so badly you'd think I was the fire Elemental and it's not even a day in.

 **M:** Yeah! I think we all needed something to distract ourselves with.

 **I:** I am a little surprised you didn't try a speech given what we've seen of you.

 **Z:** I mean what do you say to THIS? I'm one of the only four people that got to keep their family. You think they'd want to hear something from me?

_There is a long silence. Mayday eventually elbows Zuke with force._

**Z:** I mean almost all of the people we knew are.... I don't even know? It's been two years for us since the events you guys saw. I had friends, college buddies I just reconnected with, fans, and even other people I fought! Now they're all-

 **M:** They have to be alive, Zuke, they have to be! And I'm going to talk to Aunty again if its the last thing I do! I.. I need to to at least re-learn her name...

 **I:** I'm so sorry for all of your losses.

 **M:** I don't have anyone left. I never had many people but she was like a mother to me. I think... I mean I never really had one before and she helped me so much. I knew her before I met Zuke.

 **I:** Do you want to talk about it?

 **M:** No.

 **I:** Ok. So what have you two been doing since coming here?

 **M:** You know mysterydrummer on youtube? This guy!

_Mayday points to Zuke. She shakes her hands._

**Z:** Mayday has been doing covers. Sometimes from here, sometimes from back there. Its a real shame you guys don't have stuff like the Kishakies here. We're trying to change that.

 **I:** And the others?

 **Z:** I'm not at liberty to say.

 **M:** We can ask Kliff, though.

 **I:** Is he in the studio? We didn't invite him.

 **M:** Nah. He just listens in if you have a phone.

_There is a ringtone. Mayday sighs and takes out her phone._

**M:** He says ok. And that you have a beautiful pair of new ferrets.

 **I:** T-that's private!

_The duo look at each other with a sad, knowing gaze._

**Z:** There is no privacy if you have anything online. At least not to him. It's kind of scary how much he has access to without any technopath-proofing.

 **M:** He's been our errand boy. He's the only one who has skin similar enough to the people here. At least without having an orb for a head.

 **Z:** He's like an itch you can't get rid of no matter how hard you try. At least he's been behaving since he got what he wanted.

 **I:** What did he want?

 **Z:** For Tataina to acknowledge her past? For her to consider him a friend? I honestly don't care. I don't trust the man for a second. Fool me once...

_Zuke pouts and crosses his arms. Mayday rolls her eyes. She scooches over to zuke and puts an arm around him. They both startle to the sound of Mayday's phone._

**Z:** OH FOR-  
**M:** Chill, please, zuke. We're in the same boat now. Whether we like it or not. Let's just listen to the little squeeb for now and put mustard in his shoes later.

_There are three more rings in quick succession. Mayday looks down at her phone and snorts.  
_

**M:** He's complaining.

 **Z:** Hahhh.. I guess you're right. I could always lay a beat down if I needed to, anyways. Thanks.

 **I:** I see Zuke has his drumsticks. Does Mayday have one of her guitars?

 **M:** I got to keep Kerosene. I miss Slaughterisim, I made her, you know. I taught myself sheet music on her, too.

 **Z:** You have no Idea how glad I am I got to keep my drumsticks. 

**I:** Taught yourself on a home-made guitar? That's pretty impressive.

 **M:** I had a lot of free time.

 **I:** We don't know much about your pasts. Zuke's moreso than Mayday

 **M:** Isn't it great? I just pop up like some sort of cryptid and BAM! I couldn't have asked for a better introduction if they actually asked me. Thanks Metronomik and Sold out, I really appreciate it!

 **Z:** Well I sort of set out on my own after the.. fire and I see this girl playing on Viktor's corner. I ask her If I can join, she says ok and I jam with her for a bit. Apparently this evening went unusually well for her so she treats me to dinner. She takes me to the Hungry Hideout. I hadn't really gone to Mamaks in so long so this was a nice change even if she had to order for me. Eventually I tell her I have no place to go and she offers to take me to her place. I thought it was going to go to an apartment but... sewers. I'd honestly just slept near a dumpster in Natura so getting my own blanket and a pillow seemed like a luxury. We just keep playing Viktor's corner for a while until we get our first gig. I think that's when it hit. We were a band! Still didn't have a name, though. We didn't feel like we needed one at the time.

_Mayday looks uncomfortable. She idly fiddles with her dress's hem. It takes Zuke a few seconds before he notices and he stares for a few seconds before doing a double take. He flails before rushing to her side._

**Z:** I-I'm sorry! I thought everything after the fire was fair game! Man, I knew I was going to mess up, I just-

_Mayday has put her hand over Zuke's mouth. She smiles reassuringly._

**M:** It's fine. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just homesick, is all.

_There is a long pause._

**I:** Erhm.

_Both startle._

**I:** About the recent videogame debates, your opinions on the matter?

M: It's stupid. I play mostly horror games and Zuke mods Minecraft. Half of the people that came over have some experience in video games or even make them! If every game I'd played voiped people over then maybe? I get that this may be an issue with us being here and all, but has it happened before? So I don't really see the whole point in trying to ban 'em. Ethics be damned. I like story games and if there isn't a good conflict it just gets boring! Sure, the Bunk Bed Junctioning sucked but would we even be here if it wasn't for the game? I think it's like a portal or something so maybe if we can figure that out we can get space travel and junk. Maybe we could get some of the other technologies, too. Like a portal gun! And when we figure out how to go back maybe we can have trade or something! Maybe visit some cool places like Click-Clock-Wood o-or maybe Silent Hill? Wouldn't that be cool?

 **Z:** I agree with Mayday. About it being stupid. It's a type of media, and sure we're here, but banning any form of art just doesn't sit right with me. It'd be like banning books! I may have my gripes with seeing some things like concept art and things but I support video games. And I just like rhythm games too much. I mean if you don't wanna support them, then whatever, you do you, but I'd rather not kill an art form. I can't imagine what my life would have been without either of them. I know books have helped me so much on bad leg days. I don't think I would have made it without them. And I don't see Slothrop, Yossarian, or even Rumo coming over here, so I think we're safe. I chose the ones you got, right? Y-you don't have Brenche or Ignatius J. Reilly, right? Tuhan, ini membunginghan.... .

 **I:** I'm not sure. I guess visiting places or getting technology would be helpful. I do also enjoy a good book from time to time. If you could change anything from the game, what would it be?

 **Z:** I-I get the whole design aspect, it-its cool, I get it, but why the f- why the cane?!? I don't know if they caused this or-or maybe I would have had a screwed leg from the get-go but.. I know things didn't render one to one on the screen to how they were for us ... Just. Maybe I wouldn't have had anything wrong with my leg at all if it wasn't for... *sigh* I'm trying not to blame anyone or anything. They didn't write my father in. They didn't write anything about my ability, or even about my mother's village on the outskirts of Vinyl. Maybe all of the blanks just got filled wrong. I dunno. All I would have asked is to not have nerve problems... But I guess everyone has something about themselves they hate.

 **M:** I wouldn't ask for anything with me. I like a lot of stuff about me. Just something about the NPCs. I know what you're thinking, "Woah rewriting other people is bad!" but all I would have done is make it so those people on the side of the road had a chance to have paternistic colobma. Erm. The eye thing I have. Don't get me wrong, I don't want them to see weirdly. PCB can be pretty bad if you get a bad pattern. I got a good one, I can zoom in and out but otherwise I see pretty normally. I saw a picture where a guy got polka dots. I felt bad for him.

 **I:** I thought you said you got to keep your family?

 **Z:** FAMILY. If anything good came of this its that it took those two with it.

_Zuke contentedly sips the creeper mug. Mayday sighs while rolling her eyes._

**I:** OH. Ok... erm.. Ability?

_Zuke visibly tenses. He reaches over to his drumsticks and starts playing softly._

**Z:** I'm an eight. Not going to say anything more on that. I don't use it.

 **M:** OH! I'm really interested in the topic, cause I don't think I have one. Or I mean I do, but it's probably a weird one like an activate on death one. Maybe it's the restart thing in the game. Orrr Maybe it's how we all got here! I thought lived my life without that one fancy thing everyone gets but maybe it was the fanciest one of all!Shame I'd have to die to find out so I wouldn't know. Hey, do you guys get them? Like, at all? I haven't read anything about you guys having them. And I didn't think you could live at all without one. I saw the video of the guy who had his stolen and ew. But you guys seem alright?

 **I:** I'll need a bit more of an explanation to say if we do. An example would help.

 **M:** Like Yinu! She makes notes when she plays the piano. They don't stick around so it's manifestation. If she just MADE a note and it stayed there It's summoning! You only get a single thing but you get two mods. I'm just glad I got those!

 **I:** No, we don't?

_Zuke relaxes. He stops playing._

**I:** I'm sure everyone wants to know what you two think of our world.

 **M:** I think it's not as bad as I thought before. It's pretty neat and now that we can go outside it feels less hopeless. I still want to go home, though. Some things are so weird here like racisim being based mainly on skin color? Back where we are from it's a way to tell if people may be related. I'm ORANGE. Is this the hill you guys really want to die on? A-and the whole power situation is reversed! We were behind on storage technology but we were SO far ahead of you guys on production. If we combined the two we wouldn't have had chronic blackouts when the power ran out. Actually the whole technology situation confuses me. How do you guys not have qwasas but get this far?

 **Z:** You guys are proportioned wrong. It's... Unsettling? I hear that you people can't cover your face with one hand? You guys have tiny feet too, right? You guys shoe sizes are puny. We had to make custom ones for us.

 **M:** Shoes are evil.

 **Z:** I know, hun. Anyways, It's depressing how much stuff you guys don't have, but inspiring how much you do. I've been reading a lot more than normal and listening to some of the new music. And yes, I do program a bit. I used to take walks around the base. It's more uncanny valley when I'm walking around and I see something that ALMOST resembles home. I get into this headspace that if I follow those places I just might find something. But there's nothing. There never was. I'm just overthinking things again. I've stopped taking walks in Malaysia because of it. With team Sayu running a transport I've been visiting other places around the world. Ever stargazed in Belize? Damn beautiful. Must have scared that tourist half to death, though. Haaa... sorry, if you're listening.

 **I:** Hun?

 **M:** That's kinda my fault.

 **Z:** I can take this one if you want.

 **M:** No, no, I can do it. Thanks though. It was right after Shrek. Everyone was discussing stuff in the main room. We left to try to find out a place to stay in the building. Zuke asks me if we share a room and I kinda.. snapped. I told him if he couldn't confess after all of this then maybe he didn't really want me. I said a lot of other stuff, but that's the gist of it anyways.

 **Z:** Took me twenty minutes.

 **M:** Took him twenty minutes. I stormed out into the room with everyone else to sulk, and then he comes back and asks me to be his girlfriend right in front of EVERYONE! I'm kind of sad he didn't do it on his own, it feels less genuine if someone had to prompt him. Still glad it happened though! We've been with each other for Four. Years. I was so tired of dancing around the issue, waiting for him to just say something to me on his own! A woman's got to have her limits, lah? We've been an official couple for like five months now.

_The two share a quick kiss. Zuke is blushing very badly. Mayday chuckles._

**M:** (I'm glad I got to keep you.)

 **I:** I suppose It is very confusing for people from another world to adjust. Sounds like you already lead quite an exciting life here, though.

 **Z:** Yes. It's an adjustment. I keep myself busy.

 **M:** Well ACN is going to get pretty busy, too!

 **Z:** If you want you guys are going to be who we go to for interviews. I know this is great publicity for your studio, so we convinced everyone to join in. If that's all right with you guys? Umm.. we could always go somewhere else if you say no.

_Diana sputters._

**I:** YES. I mean we'd have to talk about it with upper management but It's entirely doable.

 **M:** We're gonna go by boss order if that's ok with you. It was the only way to convince Neon J. He keeps on calling you people skinny-wrists. Is that a slur? I feel like its a slur. It sounds like a slur.

 **I:** I'd never heard it before.

 **M:** Good!... speaking of which.... Can we see them?

 **I:** Huh?

_Mayday wrings her hands nervously._

**M:** The wrists?

 **I:** Oh! Ok?

_Mayday smiles widely as a hand comes into frame. She immediately runs over to the hand and tenderly pulls the wrist closer to her face. Her pupils widen drastically until there is barely any iris left. She looks up at the person still off screen and down quickly._

**M:** OMG. Zuuuke, Zuke! You have to see this! It's like a someone stapled a baby wrist onto an adult!

_Zuke visibly winces. He grabs his drumsticks and with a practiced motion, twists the ends together into a cane. After taking a heavy breath, he pulls himself up. It takes him a bit to walk over to Mayday who is twisting the arm gently back and forth. She turns to him._

**Z:** Dinner plates, May.

_Mayday startles. She slaps her face gently twice while shaking her head. She tuns towards the camera with closed eyes sporting a large blush. Her eyes open. The pupils have gone back to the flower shape. Zuke tilts his head affectionately and sighs._

**M:** Thanks, babe.

 **Z:** No prob.

_He leans his head closer to the arm and lets out a "Hmm" before turning to Mayday._

**Z:** More like a child size. This is the first time I got this close.

_Zuke puts his free hand on his chin._

**Z:** Man...

 **M:** (So tiny!)

_The hand withdraws off screen._

**M:** Thank you so much. We'll try to set everything up on our end soon once we get the ok from you. OH! And Please call DJ Subatomic Supernova DJ Sbubby for me when you see him.

 **Z:** I guess we don't have to worry about first official contact, huh? We do have to get going though. It was nice to finally talk to someone about this so... thanks?

 **I:** No problem.

 **M:** Byeee! Bunk Bed Junction signing off! REED LIGHT!

_Mayday puts her fist up._

**Z:** Green light!

_Zuke places his fist on top of hers. The camera feed cuts._

**Mayday's song is How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead, Zuke's is Overdone by Ludo.**


	2. VS DJ Subatomic Supernova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words words words. I'm so sorry, but its very dry. *Hands you a water bottle* I hope you enjoy despite it being a pain in the tuchas to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each individual chapter should have some specific heavy themes so I'm going to try to put notes with trigger warnings per each. I never want to hurt anyone real, but I do want to tell the story I want to tell. I'll put them at the end to avoid spoilers. That being said, I'm open to criticism on that.

**S:** Welcome... to "Action Cool News". Today you shall be graced with answers personally provided by me. DJ Subatomic Supernova. As many of you know, I have recently arrived in this reality and shall soon start making my newfound mark on history. Even if I already am part of one of the most miraculous events to happen to this planet I still seek to fulfill a grander purpose. On that note I will be your guide to a far greater understanding. Come with me on a journey of learning and together, perhaps, we shall gain a glimpse into the unknowable.

_The DJ sits on the same couch the previous duo sat on. He is wearing a long-sleeved shirt with a tiled pattern of cartoony suns. His sleeves are rolled up with magnets holding them back and he wears a pair of jean shorts and sandals. He wears a watch on his left arm. Their head has a familiar pair of headphones on and floats slightly.  
_

**I:** Thank you.. DJ Subatomic Supernova for insisting on the introduction. I am Moises Agueres and this is ACN. The one-and-only place for in-depth interviews with the members of the NSR event! It's lovely having you in the studio today-

 **S:** Please spare me the formalities. Let it be known that I did not choose this... frankly small space out of a desire for idle chit-chat. I am only here as a favor to Tatiana.

 **I:** (As I am aware) So let's get to the questions, then: Many people are wondering about your head. Can you tell us about that?

 **S:** I should have guessed. That is always the first question anyone asks me, after all. Hold on, I have something to take care of related to that.

_DJ Subatomic Supernova gently slides his hand under their head. He pulls his hand away and places their head on the table. They float gently._

**S {from table henceforth}:** Tatiana has personally requested that everyone intimidate the interviewers if we attend. Are you sufficiently intimidated?

 **I:** Wow... Um yes? Do-

 **S:** Good. Normally I would say that my presence in intimidating enough but I feel this answers far more awkward questions about my head. If you are referring to my head only, please they/them. My host is he/him. Both at the same time can be any one of those. I must say the humans here are far more advanced in gender classification. Back there it was constantly a fight to get people to refer to me correctly even if its actually correct to refer to me as "they". I constantly had to debate the usage of such a term. A bit closed-minded, if you ask me. As a rogue summon I do have to struggle a bit more than most, but the fact I have prevailed means I am grater than those struggles. Nonetheless I am proud to be an avatar of Vinyl city's earth. For the planet that would hold me, of all people, to their bosom. I can rest easy leaving them in knowing I am doing them justice.

 **I:** Rogue summon? Did you say host? What do you mean?

 **S:** Are you a child? Do I need to educate you on even the most basic concepts?

 **I:** Yes, please do.

_The DJ's body slumps slightly._

**S:** Oh dear. I suppose it is just my lot in life to teach. Could be worse, I suppose? How much do you people know of abilities?

 **I:** Diana got Mayday to explain a bit. Otherwise we know nothing.

 **S:** Mayday?!? Ohno. This will not do. I suppose I will have to start at the basics. I posses a trait called an ability. Its unique attributes are specific to me but can be classified under broader categories such as : repetition, projection, absorbtion, amplification (I posses this one) , summoning, transformation, healing, dampening, manifestation, and perhaps enhancing? The jury is still out on that one. Abilities can be solely passive (very rarely), active and possess a passive trait, or solely active (the most common). Some abilities are only usable if one possesses an object that can draw it out. All abilities are ranked from a one to ten. There are only a handful of recorded tens in history. What is known of tens is that they are frightening, deformed, insane, and unfathomably powerful. In my professional opinion that is what got us here. But, what is important at this time is summoning. A summoned item or creature is considered "Rogue" if the summoner is deceased and the summoned persists. It's fifty-fifty if that happens. Back in our world it's considered illegal to leave a summon extant after the death of it's creator. They must be reported and... dealt with accordingly. But! I am able to advocate for myself. It was a groundbreaking trial that resulted in quite a few laws being amended about the nature of sentience and eventually my entrance into the field of academia. I would refer you to the court case itself, but it is no longer accessible. Pity. I suppose you must just take my word for it then.

 **I:** Of c-

 **S:** As for "host" I am tied to a human body. Only my inner membrane is summoned. My core was teleported from the depths of space. I take great care in protecting my core, you know. What with being a sentient black hole and the whole "End of everything I care about" thing.

 **I:** Yes.. Ok... Can I speak?!

 **S:** You may. Thank you for asking.

_Moises sighs._

**I:** A popularly requested question from people worldwide is how do you eat?

 **S:** Oh. Another question about my unique anatomy. How predictable. Pay close attention. I shall only do this once.

_The DJ unwraps a small lollipop from the pocket of his jean-shorts. They carefully place the lollipop in the spot where their throat is. There is a crunch. The lollipop has a perfect bite taken out of it. Moises makes a small grunt of discomfort._

**S:** I don't suppose you have any questions about my achievements, do you?

 **I:** Well we do know very little about your past so please tell us about that.

 **S:** Well I was born at a very old age. Finding myself in this strange land I strove to understand everything I could. It was a struggle to be accepted as most of my life. I was mute and.. Unusual. I lived in a small town which was very protective of their children. I am thankful for this. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I classified as one at that time, hence them not reporting me. From humble beginnings I studied hard, harder than most. It was impossible for me to make friends so I devoted myself to academia instead. Yes, I was teased, you know how children are. Ignorant, prone to poke at things they do not understand, childish at best. Anyways, I can still remember the nights alone, watching the majesty of the sky as it flowed in my vision above, untouched by my cosmic ravages. I knew then that I was destined for greatness. And I would stop at nothing to achieve this. So the arduous task of climbing the academic ladder continued. I need no sleep, though my body prefers to have periods where I lay still. In this way I was able to learn for longer periods and skip some of the rigamarole of public education. I rose so fast and burned so brightly. It came to a head at "fifteen". I was able to go to an official trial to prove I was not a mere... creature to be banished to nonexistence. I would rather not go into that night. ANYWAYS I got my degree in astronomy quickly. Also I was able to finally figure out the solution to that whole mute thing. I quickly started to preform lectures. Unfortunately I never saw success like I had the first night. I suppose the novelty wore off. They called me BORING?! Can you imagine?

 **I:** I-

 **S:** It took two years for me to give up lectures. I decided to take a vacation from work amidst frankly depressing reviews. You all know what revelation came of this. It took until I was "thirty five" to realize my hobby would far outlive my impact as a professor. I decided to join with NSR to maximize my influence. I won the audition easily. It MAY have been easier back then, but that was besides the point. I was able to claim the technology district and rename it. My crowning architectural achievement was converting the old unused planetarium building to a bustling stage, my technological achievement WAS the creation of a satellite. Truly is sad it got transformed into the famous sticky confetti.

 **I:** Eh- Ok that was a lot of information to process. Mind if I ask a few unrelated questions while I.. process that?

 **S:** Load and shoot.

 **I:** I notice you aren't wearing your signature clothing.

 **S:** I wouldn't have been caught dead in this studio wearing my performance outfit. Plus we have unanimously agreed that anything we got to keep is "sacred". Eve couldn't re-burn her jacket without immense backlash, and Tatiana has had so much trouble finding new clothes to survive her moments of anger. Most of us have had to resort to specially tailored attire. It is a good thing Yinu's mother can sew wonderfully. As can Eve. And 1010 (all of them). I do believe Yinu's mother has broken far more articles of clothing than any of us combined, though. Growing larger does break clothing easily. I should know. At least mine isn't a reflex. She should fix that.

_The DJ sighs._

**I:** In your opinion, what would happen if Bunk Bed Junction lost?

 **S:** It depends on which phase you're talking about. In the first it would be written off as self defense . I would go about my business as normal and absolutely nothing of merit would have been accomplished. The second phase I would likely have just had to beef up security. I thought nobody was stupid enough to try to break my helmet, but ignorance and stupidity is as deep as space. The third phase? Everyone dies. Those two have n o idea how close they came to total destruction. That being said, they were the only ones who could stop the mess THEY CREATED. I had assumed I was untouchable by sheer virtue. I was wrong. I had to invest in greater security after that.

 **I:** How do you feel about them after the events of the game? Mayday has specifically told us to call you DJ Sbubby.

 **S:** *Sigh* That woman will be the death of me. If you must know, my relationship with Bunk Bed Junction has been one of mutual aggravation. After being flung into space and barely getting back in time to save my employment I would find news of them everywhere. It irked me so much I decided to make a diss track. I had not meant to publish it. Just... my finger "slipped" after seeing them climb my statue. The feud has been constant for us and ceaseless like the dance of galaxies through the uncharted reaches of space. Even when we started to collaborate. One day I would pour cold soup in Mayday's thermos, the next day I would find my shoes hung from power lines all the way in Akusuka by Zuke. I do believe the "ball is in my court". I shall have to make it matter.

 **I:** Did you find out anything from the game that you didn't already know?

 **S:** Yes.

 **I:** Care to tell us?

 **S:** I suppose I should go in order. I learned that Bunk Bed Junction had a pet rogue summon. You can probably tell why I'm uncomfortable about this. I'd never met team Sayu in person before (except for one at the Light's up) and I even learned of their origin through the "collectables." And by collectables I mean stolen items. I had NO idea that the mystery man known as "DK" West was related to that rabblerouser from the infamous duo. I also learned he managed to get Tatiana to blow on a giant horn from the highest point of her tower. As soon as I learned how thoroughly he had embarrassed her I demanded a high five. As for Yinu, I learned what her father looked like. She never brought any pictures or took any photos from her house to meetings. That was rather rude of her considering her and her mother kept a photo on their person while performing. Neon J was always very open about his past... He is amazing. I-I did research some of his origins here. After requesting permission, of course. I never knew that he was originally supposed to be dancing atop the factory. I remember him telling me he considered it, but was afraid of being flung off if he used limb-tracking. I had never bothered to learn Eve's original name. It was irrelevant. That Tatiana knew Kliff beforehand was a large shock to me.

 **I:** What do you plan to do going forward?

S: I plan to start a podcast. Apparently people find my voice as soothing as I do. I formally invite all listeners to my in-depth discussions of the cosmos, both philosophical and factual. yes, I shall mix up tracks for the background accompaniment. Disco, of course. Really is a shame about how far disco is set back here. I plan to remedy this, single-handedly. I shall lead the way to the new age of disco on the wings of the cosmos. Whether you listen for my groovy tunes, voice, or even (hopefully) my informative discussions on the universe you are all welcome. I shall start next Tuesday. It shall be called "The Cosmos And you" by DJ Subatomic Supernova, himself.

 **I:** Is that your real name?

 **S:** That is none of your business.

 **I:** Fa-

 **S:** If you ever do find out what it is I ask you to never call me by it. It has never and will never fit someone like me. I even signed all of my official paperwork with DJ Subatomic Supernova. I do believe Mayday put it so "Eloquently" like:

 **S (M):** If you ever find out my name and spread it I'll crack your head against the sidewalk like a raw egg!

 **I:** Whoa! That sounds just like her!

 **S:** R-really? is THAT what impresses you?

_The DJ throws his hands up in frustration._

**S (Z):** Then how about this?

 **S (T):** Or maybe this?

 **S (???):** Maybe this?

 **S (I):** Maybe we should just conduct the interview with me sounding like YOU the entire time?!?

 **I:** Uhhh no. Please.

 **S:** To think I try so hard to impress people but it's a stupid parlor trick that truly impresses you. Maybe I should just take out my tool and simply enlarge myself just to get a point across. Another thing, would the humans here stop referring to my third phase as a "Wacky Inflatable Tube Man". It's uneven growth. Not a hollow tube that flails for your amusement. I think it's painfully obvious; the difference between the two, I mean.

 **I:** Of course. If you could change one thing about the game what would it be?

 **S:** Really? Is that any question to ask? You would know the answer if you had half a brain. I would be the protagonist.

 **I:** E-

 **S:** Or perhaps I would at least make myself popular as a lecturer. Orrr.. maybe I would be the head of NSR. Maybe I would make myself known on a cosmic level. (Maybe I already got this in a way..) With that I think I have given you enough time. Have you processed it?

 **I:** What?

 **S:** My past? Have you thought of any questions about it?

 **I:** OH. Not really. I seem to be too stupid to. Let's just continue on-

 **S:** You shouldn't say such things about yourself. I don't know where you've gotten that idea from but it's rubbish. People need to have more confidence in themselves.

 **I:** REALLY NOW. I- let's just...continue. What is your relationship with the other artists like?

 **S:** The Sayu team seem content to fade into obscurity. I can't fathom why. I avoid them mostly as they prefer it. Except for one, but unless I wish to walk or take conventional transportation I do try to avoid aggravating any one of them. It would be like kicking a hornets nest. "DK" West annoys me greatly. I want to know your secrets, young man. Stop being so cryptic! As for Yinu, she's a child. I hate children. They need to be less unpredictable. I give her piggy-backs from time to time and have started to learn analog piano from her in exchange. Her mother and I butt heads (Figuratively) often. I understand you have been on this planet- I mean our old planet longer than I have but I am vastly your senior in terms of existence. If you insist on playing the age card I will have to fight back. And I shall win.

_The DJ's body slumps forward slightly_

**S:** Neon J.... He's so kind and thoughtful.. he never treated me like less than a person. He was the first person I really took a chance on caring about more than myself. He's listen to me gush about the cosmos for hours and I'd listen with rapt attention to his stories. We'd comfort each other when the vastness of the cosmos threatened to make me despair and when his mind would drag him, kicking and screaming, back to the battlefield. He'd recently started to treat 1010 like sons instead of just troops as well. It wasn't like he didn't care, but simply that he'd never thought of it until arriving here. We'd never even thought of getting together until arriving here as well. We saw all of the art, the stories, the pure support and thought "We could do this. If Bunk Bed Junction could pair up upon mere HOURS of arriving here, surely we could try after a day or two." They even assured us that it was fairly easy. But I know they are liars. Mayday has told me that:

 **S (M):** Zuke meditates more than anyone I know!  
**S:** And:

 **S (Z):** It'll turn out just fine.

 **S:** But neither of these things are true! I haven't seen the man slow down once since we've gotten here and IT ISN'T FINE. It was all fine and dandy for a while, sure, but it was only-

_He moves his arm with a watch to their head._

**S:** Fifty-six hours, twenty-one minutes, and..... fifteen seconds since he said:

 **S (J):** We're headed to different places, its not-

 **S:** BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! He's so perfect that I have had to come to the conclusion that it has to be me. Is-is it because I'm socially inept?! How am I supposed to get the subtle nuances of conversation of a species I have only know for such a short time?! Or-or is it my origin? I can't help how I acquired my host! Maybe it's just that I am utterly unlovable.

 **I:** Ohhh. Oh. No, Sometimes things don-

_DJ Subatomic Supernova's voice starts to become distorted as he continues to speak._

**S:** WHY DID YOU LEAVE? We were so good together now you're all locked in your roomandIcantgetyoutoTaLkToM e e a n d IIIII caaaaaaannnnn'tttt

_There is a disconcerting amount of unidentifiable sounds building amidst unearthly noises._

**S:** IiiIIIi'm S oo ryIjUSst Wwa a n 't toookNowWw̶̝̞̐W̴̰͒̈̄̽ẅ̷̧́̎̄̚͝e̵̮̠̪̍̿ ̵̧̰͚̗͐̔̀̋R̶̞͚̦̈̓̓̂̆ ̸̭͚͈͎̳̺͛͘Ȇ̵̫̰̹͊̆̏i̴̛̤̗̩͚̤̠͂̎͌͠ ̸̝͌͑̓̈́̎Ẃ̶̧̫̥̿̓̈͝E̷̝̣̖̫͈͒n̵͇͇͎͉̫͆̎̃͝n̷͔͕̦̻̻̥̅̔N̶̡̛͔͉̝̻͇͌̋̈ṇ̸̱̪̹͕t̷͇͕̓̅ ̶͙̟͔̬̯͗̑ͅW̸̨̙̳̃͑̊̅̚͝ͅŗ̴̈̑͊ṙ̷̺̐̒͒̋͠r̴̡̦͈̍͝ͅO̷͇̲̽̔͑̇̀n̶̮̈́̈́͐̚g̸̛̙̀̈́̒̓g̸̱̼̠̓͊̊͑̍̇g̷̦͇͑͗̏́̚.̷̩̹̪͍̰̤̅̈͘.̸̡̦͚̮̀̅̚

 **I:** IT HURTS. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!

**S:** Ę̷̧̛̝͙͙̦̮̠͚͉̘̞̘͔̫̱̤̲̙͓͇͍̩̤̲̱͔̹͔̺̥͖̲͇̯̦̳̳̱̠̣̟̫̙̜̈́͌̅̿͌̀͐͛̌́͐̃̋͗̓̏̒̌̊̄̂̀̔͗̂̆͐͐͐̇̈́̂̿͘͘̕͘͘̕̕͜͠͝l̷̗̰̪̝̤̪͇͕̟̒̅͐͂͗̌̾̈́̏̋͂͛̐̇̍̋͑͒͛̇̑̐̑͑̇͆͊̒̓̒̈̂̾͂͑̏̈́̐̿̓́̚̕͠͠ḑ̸̢̡̧̨̛̞̫̩̘̭̻̘̱̹̝͓̜͈̜͕̫̮͎̩̳̭͍̮̗̌͒̀͒̊͛̓͐͝͝ͅͅr̶̢̨̡̨̛̜͕̹̥̥̫̗̳̱͖̟̝̤̥̭̞̣̺̮̲͇̤͙̫̠̥̮̼̳͛̋́̓̒̏̉̔̓̈́̋̄͆͋͊͌̒̈́́̈́̂͋͂̉̅̈́̔̌̍͋̀̈́̈́̈́̊͌͐̉̕̕̚͘̕͝͠͠͠ͅį̶̛̲̮̟̟̩̪͕̲̲̲͔̦̮̔́͛̅̎̂̑̽́̽̋͗͆̈̃̓̑̆͊̇̉̈́̈̽̅̿͗̆̊̈́̒͊͋̍͆̾̃̅͘̕͘̕͝͝͠͠t̷̢̡̨̡͙̦̫̪͙̣̜͍̝̠̩͔̰̹̪͓͕̝͈̝̝͇̘͎̬̳͚̹̘̘̰͎̜̪͔̫̩͖͚͉̺̻̬̎̅c̷̡̧̢̨̡̲̞͉͔̯̜̫͕̘̼͖̲̦͔͓͚̯̞͉̥͖̲̪͇̭̳̝̘͍̱̖̲͚̰͍͍̳̗̊̉̂̿͑̿͐͑̆̅̐͊̓̆̔̿̾̈́̚̕͘ͅh̴̙̠̥̝̹̥͇͉͉̹̬̱̺̳̥͇̣͎͍͚̬̭͕͚͖̩͔͎̱͊͒̾̔̑̐̈́̈́͐͑͋͑̓̇͊̈́̂̔̉̈̈́̓͆̿̈́̊͆̏̈́̚̚͜͝͝ͅ ̵̼̤̲̝̋̇̌̈̂̉̊͆̋̽̈͆͐̍͘͠s̵̢̜͓͎͖̦̭̥̥̙̪͈͙̯̞̱̣̼̙̼͕͋̐̆̌̾̓͐̏͠͝a̴̧̛̛̛͎͍͉̜͖̍͆͋̈́̓͊̅̾̀̋̌̆́̈́͋̓̏̂̄̈̎͋͊̈́̑̚͝͠ḑ̵̡̧̢̰̰̯̭͖̳̯̙͔̥̙̲̮̲̱̗̖̰̮̺̼̱̲͔͓̯̮̞̫͔̜̥͉̖̦͔̀̌͗̔͊͐͜͝ņ̶̛̲̜̪̦̲̤̱͖̬̹͖̠̖͕̤̹̼̲̰̭̳͚͔̰̀͆̂̀͗̿̈́́̈̿͋̅̒́͂̈́͊̋̚̕͘͝͝ͅẹ̸̡̻̠͙̱͎̣͇̭̤̤̪̻̘̯̜͓̲̖͍̦̝̣͓͇̻͎͔̻͎͓̼̻̻̝̆͂̂͗̈͂̈́̽͌̅̊̔̾̔̕͠͝s̷̹̦̐̏͂͗̒̄̂̏̔̐̋́͒̔̌͂̎̔͂̆̎͑̾͋̆̽̚̕͘͜͠ş̷̢̛̛̦̹͓͙̞̜̳̗̤͓͕͉̤͙͇̖͉̬̯̘̿͛͊̓̔̈̈́̈̊͌̐̔̾̉͆͛̒̈́̈̉̓̂̑̎̈́̒̈́̕͠͝͠͝ͅ ̵̨̡̡̛̞̼̘̟̗̹̙͍̙̠̥͔͕̦̤͕̤̥̩͎̫̥͓̪͕͕̲̙͔̞͙̦͍͌̒͋̾̈́̎̈́̐̇̀͛̌̅͑̆͊͛͒̐̓͂̈́̂̽́͊̈́̑̋̅̐͌͗̓̌͂̇͛̃̚͜͜͝͝͠ͅn̷̨͉͕̩̲̻̲̲͕͍̣̼̹͓̺̹̭͈͈̬̅͌͆̓̍̈́̈̎̃̿͂̿͑̓̃̈́̓̈́͑̓̎̐̉̊̈̈́̈́̈́͒̓̋̍̐̐̍̀̄̒͘̕̕̚͜͠͠͝ͅͅơ̸̠͓̹͉͇̍̋̈́̌̂̅̑̐̑̓̌̃̅͋̒͑̅͊͘͠͠i̶̛̘̹̫͎̲̩̻̩͉̻͓͚̓̊̒͌̐́̆͗̈͊́̀͛̐͑̓͂̒̒̿̆̂̏͑͌̓̈́̌͘̚͜͜͜s̷̨̨̛̗͙̙̦̠͇̩͎͎̭̰̺͖͔̲̟͔̖̠̣̬̘͒̐̃̈́̽̃̈́͆̀͐͗̑̃̅̾̃̐̀̊͒͌̾̎̎̀̐̈́͛̎̉̀̑͂͘̕̕̚͘̕͝e̸̡̧̨̨̼̫̟͍͎̙̟̭̖̭̦̬̜͚̩̝̞͉̠̗̣̖̹̤̝̩̙̱͇̰̘̘̱̭͓̪̳̳͔̲̗̦̘̔̂̓̈́̈́̔͛̊̇̇̀́̈́͐̑̃̽̂̕s̷̡̛̛͔̙̬͕̺̟͓̖̰͈̺̳̥͕͓̝̿̓̂͛͂̌͂͒̾̾͗͆͗̑͗̏̓͊̈́̍̇̈́͋͗̔͘

The audio cuts out as subtitles appear on the screen. The words "Muted for your safety" appear on the top of the screen.

**I:** HELP! Someone!  


_The DJ reaches over to his head, yanks his headphones off with little care for where they land, and quietly leans forward while gripping the base of his neck. The on-screen text disappears. His body is wracked with quiet sobs. Almost a minute passes. A man walks on screen appearing to be in his twenties. He is wearing a grey stetson almost too small for his head, a brown sweater vest and green undershirt, a pair of formal dress pants, and gaudy sockless sneakers. He walks over to the now mute headless sobbing man. He sits on the couch next to him and gingerly reaches to pat the man on the back. DJ Subatomic Supernova doesn't resist the comforting gesture._

**I:** Cut the feed.

Moises wags his free flattened hand in front of his neck. The video ends.

**DJ Subatomic's song is They Might be Giants- Why Does the Sun Shine? (The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas). No, it's really** **Blondie- Heart of Glass.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pry that DJ Subatomic Supernova is neurodivergent from my cold dead hands.  
> Hoo boy! Triggers for this chapter include:  
> Body horror  
> Non-serious decapitation  
> mention of ptsd(in passing)  
> breakups (Just to be clear, I ship the NSR Starship but this is a very taxing and emotional time)  
> peer pressuring a relationship

**Author's Note:**

> I will provide some supplemental material later. Hopefully I can elaborate on the mental states of the characters and explain their headspaces and music better, but until then I'll keep working on DJ Subatomic's chapter. (God this will be annoying.)


End file.
